You Just Can’t Make This Shit Up

My life really is a never ending stream of ridiculousness. Last night an All-Family-Distress-Call went out when my mom’s Scottish Terrier got herself stuck under the driveway.

Ahem, yes – under the driveway. For those of you who are unaware of what a culvert is, you might want to click here. For everyone else, I’ll just keep going.

My sister and I are aware of the minor miracle that made us able to pass through our German mother’s care without becoming morbidly obese. We’re not sure how we escaped the fate of every single family pet, but I think it was being athletic and also the fact that it was the 80s and most of us wore spandex whenever possible.

For those of you who don’t know,
this is a Scottish Terrier.

In any case, Abby (named after Aberdeen) is the most recent in a long line of Scottish Terriers. As a breed, they are incredibly intelligent and ferocious little shits. Individual results may vary.

Yesterday Abby got it into her head to dive into a culvert and investigate tight spaces that her very large arse had no hope of fitting into.

Or back out of.

And so, Abby was in fact, stuck under the driveway.

Individual results may vary

I got the call around 9 PM because I’m the owner of a very nice Mag lite and my mother had managed to turn my dad’s on at some point during the afternoon and never ever turn it back off. So I drove over to my parent’s house to find the neighbor, my brother-in-law, my cousin, and my dad all standing in a hole up to their waists and pounding on the drainpipe to see if the dog was in that particular pipe or the next one.

Note – it’s very difficult to see a black dog inside a pitch-black pipe after 9 PM.

For those of you who don’t know,
this is a backhoe.

Abby wasn’t in that pipe, so the next element came into effect – the backhoe. Yep. We dug up the driveway, cut the phone line and continued beating on the pipe in the hopes that one very fat Scottish Terrier would get up the gumption to push herself on out. But she didn’t, so the backhoe was implemented into Plan C, which involved pulling the entire culvert pipe up and getting it vertical so that her fat butt just fell out one end.

And she then proceeded to go up to the front porch and beg for a treat.

She got it.


15 thoughts on “You Just Can’t Make This Shit Up

  1. OMG! That is so funny! I can't believe it! What a little cutie.
    I have a Cairn, and we've had a few adventures along the way too, including a kidnapping. Yeah, his!
    That was a wild one, but I don't think it came close to your chubby Abby getting her butt stuck!
    So, so funny!


  2. So are you going to put a grate on the culvert or has Abby learned her lesson?

    Good thing they just happened to have a backhoe lying around. Most of us don't. 😉


  3. Utsav – I still say a cat's life for me 🙂

    EA- a kidnapping! Good lord!

    Hayley – oh yeah, Abby won't be winning any IQ awards anytime soon!

    Suzi – the usefulness of a backhoe cannot be overestimated.

    Em- mostly it was dark mutterings 🙂

    Dan – wow! I don't know that's a pretty good story too!

    Michelle – were efficient people, the driveway was back together next morning.

    Jemi – not my driveway or my dog, so I could just be amused 🙂

    Kelly – cuteness is an underestimated survival skill.

    Ella – happy endings, and a good story out of it.

    Anita – I've got the tech savvy crit partner RC Lewis to thank for the web design and a fantastic photographer to thank for the pic 🙂


  4. Wow. So keeping Abby in there until she got skinny enough to crawl out, a la Winnie the Pooh, was not an option? 😉 If it were my side of the family we were talking about, six months from now the driveway would still be in pieces.


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