1) When I was just a kitten I didn’t understand the connection between eating and going to the bathroom. I thought we spent our lives chewing up our food and depositing it inside ourselves, and that death occurred when we were finally full. I thought if I chewed up my food really well, I could extend my life. Too bad I didn’t have the book EVERYONE POOPS to clear that up for me. Someone explained the error in my beliefs at some point and so I came up with the new death theory –
2) Quite a few of the elderly ladies in my church had osteoporosis. Since food couldn’t kill you I figured out that once you hit a certain age you started shrinking, and eventually faded off into nothing.
3) When I was little bathing, eating and sleeping were three things that took up way too much of my time and pulled me out of whatever I was doing. Think about it – when you were kid, and super involved with your playtime you inevitably heard: “Bathtime! Dinner! Bedtime!” As an adult, bathtime, dinner and bedtime are like the most awesome points of the day.